33 Weeks!

A day in the life of a pregnant woman at 33 weeks gestation:

- Grip the side of the recliner to sit up to turn off alarm. Rock back and forth until chair moves enough to allow feet to touch floor to get out of chair.
- Go to the bathroom.
- Get in the shower. Realize the tummy is blocking all vision of lower-half of body. Clearly, this is not a day to wear a dress.
- Throw up.
- Rub tummy hoping not to throw up again.
- Finish getting ready for work.
- Dread putting on clothes because of their restrictiveness.
- Put on clothes. Grr.
- Eat cereal with banana for breakfast. Healthy, yay for me.
- Waddle to car to drive to work.
- Half-way to work realize that apparently baby is still hungry.
- Stop at Starbucks (decaf people, it’s fine).
- Waddle in to work with cinnamon coffee cake and mocha in hand.
- Go to the bathroom.
- Turn on computer, begin working.
- Go to the bathroom (which requires gripping chair handles to stand up without grunting).
- Return to desk, get distracted and begin looking at baby stuff online.
- Start working again…20 minutes later.
- Go to bathroom.
- Go to lunch.
- Wonder what I could get for lunch that would be covered in peanut butter and still be nutritious.
- Go to bathroom.
- Realize when standing up, the “area” feels pressure. Wonder, “Did she really just kick me there?” Continue to wonder, “If my water breaks in the bathroom, would I realize it?”
- Return to work again.
- Realize bum is sore from sitting and decide to waddle around the office for awhile.
- Talk to co-workers.
- Go to the bathroom.
- Return to work.
- It’s 3:30 p.m. and hunger strikes again, eat snack.
- Return to work.
- The end of the workday is here, hooray!
- Go to bathroom.
- Waddle to car, drive home.
- Feel exhausted from such an obvious day of hard work. (It must have been all the bathroom breaks that caused the exhaustion).
- Make dinner.
- Eat four bites and become full.
- Try to wash dishes with belly smushed against the counter. Realize arms get shorter every day. Leave kitchen with “water ring” around front of belly.
- Walk into nursery and stare.
- Go to bathroom.
- Get end table (currently the night stand) prepared for sleep: includes glass of water, tums, cell phone, Kleenex, and glasses.
- Get comfy in recliner (since that is the current sleeping arrangement).
- Feel hunger strike again, but too tired to rock out of the chair to get up.
- Try to watch some TV.
- Randomly cry or become outraged.
- Go to bathroom.
- Fall asleep. Snore. Annoy husband with snoring. (8 p.m.)
- Go to bathroom. (12 a.m.)
- Get heartburn. (2 a.m.)
- Go to bathroom. (4 a.m.)
- Alarm goes off for another day of fun. (6 a.m.)
- Go to bathroom.